Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Life, life

konnichiwa! been quite a while since i last posted anything here. i guess it's more of laziness than anything else since blogging is my lazy way of writing down what i think. of course, since it's accessible to pretty much anyone, i have to keep all the nasty stuff to myself...heh, heh. things are a bit quiet here at school. i do have to deal with some personal issues, one of which is the fact that i am taking a second extra session in school. guess i'm not as smart as i'd like to think, at least in the eyes of my lecturers... truth be told, i hate being in school now. i hate the fact that i feel as though my life is in a cage, and that i'm shackled somewhere. i hate feeling constrained, and that's exactly how i feel right now. and it sucks. seriously. i'm not free to decide whether or not to take a second extra year, but i am free to decide exactly how it will affect me. honestly, i feel like rolling over and letting life just pass. a friend said that about me about 3-4 years ago. that i basically think, "what's the use?" and don't do anything about things. i really can't say i've done things to the best of my ability. i really could have been more serious in school, but it wasn't fun. and maybe that's the problem. here i am moaning about how bored i am, and here my life is trickleing away without my notice. i guess what i say is true: life is what happens to you while you're waiting for your life to get started. the point is: my life and focus are far too small. someone said it right when he said: a man wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package. but it's really hard to snap out of it, to find some grand design into which my life fits...i guess there's not so much to say around here. maybe i'll let you know what secrets i find on my journey...maybe not. either way, it's probably better than nothing. maybe it will work, maybe it won't. as you can see, i haven't formed by resolve. it just might explain why my blade does not cut. ah well. guess i've yakked enough now. later.

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