Friday, July 24, 2009

Women...are like...code

it's almost 3am local time. i am tired. beat. i want to curl up and let that snooze rip! and i might be forgiven for this post's crazy title.

i've been called a lot of things, but one that seems to fit quite well is geek. i fiddle around with computers. or at least my computer. i live in a world largely of my own making. and sometimes i write code. not programs, necessarily. and the more i think of it, the more it seems to me that an apt description of women is code (i am quite — sometimes painfully, i might add, sometimes — that i don't have one of my own at the moment). my reasons are quite simple (for the analogy. the singleness will take some more thinking about. heh heh heh, ahem).

while i was actively working (and before then) i'd written code. and let's face it programmers: do we suck. our programs rarely do everything we assume they will do. hence we cover our shame in patches, updates and service fixes. and sometimes, we just might have found a better way to do something, so the application eats less resources (a very big dream, this) or somewhat. so this puts you in a position with Old Code and New Code. stay with me, here's where the analogy kicks in

Old Code tends to work in most cases (except the miraculous corner cases that tend to make stutterers out of the most eloquent of developers. i must add at this point that developers are rarely very eloquent). sometimes Old Code has Major Flaws. like security holes. or eating up all the user's available memory and some. or spawning a twisted creature from the depths of hell (that last one might not be as made-up as you might think). or maybe the changes are (largely) cosmetic, usually as a result of the developer learning a better way of doing something, or more likely, his perfectionism kicking in and him just wanting to squeeze a few more clock cycles out of his app. either way, you know Old Code. it's rarely the prettiest thing in sight, but if you released it, it probably works (one software joke goes: it works? ship it!). this is like a relationship you're in and bored with, or an ex. save for those awful corner cases, you 'know' Old Code (in reality, more like you stopped asking questions, but who needs to know these teensy-weensy details?)

New Code is virgin territory. it's never been released — more often than not, it's still just trying to get out of your skull, preferably with a blowtorch. especially if you're like me and have a perfectionist bent. you generally start New Code saying that you (or your boss) don't like the way the Old Code works or something (boring relationship, anyone?) is wrong with Old Code. you promise not to base New Code on Old Code, but we all know with a deadline breathing down your neck, and your boss(es) usually not having a clue to how difficult it might be to crank out New Code, and pure laziness — pick any one or more — we've based New Code on Old Code (relationships that are most likely doomed from the start come to mind?), and the mistakes and bad choices from Old Code come into New Code. if that happens, be ready to repeat the nightmare.

oh, yes! the analogy. perfect timing. i was just about dozing off on my keyboard. New Code is the hot new exotic babe you just want to go out with/never-noticed-until-just-recently/whatever or the new relationship. and Old Code can be clingy like an ex. granted, she looks fat. and her abdomen isn't flat anymore. in my experience though, there's nothing so annoying as Old Code that works (she cooks, cleans and whatnot) when New Code doesn't. that takes the absolute cake. and is the real reason i posted this in the first place.

well, i have to stop here since i've been at this for more than 30 minutes and i think i see sheep trying to count me. so good morning, and maybe i'll be more coherent some other time. later

PS:i dislike Visual Basic in any form. i had to write some code in it this past weekend (i can feel my skin crawl at the thought) — for the .NET 1.1 platform, nonetheless. however, Boo sounds more and more interesting these days. even more than IronPython.

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