Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
— 1 Corinthians 13:7, The Amplified Bible
I don't remember when exactly, but I was lurking around the interwebs and found Ann Voskamp's post on how to make any relationship better, and in it, she talks about the Greek word
roofdescribes what love does to us. Love's a roof, a covering. Not when you love, but when you believe you are loved, or to use very bad English, you've the lovee, and not the lover.
A few weeks ago, I had a chance to talk to someone, and they were going on and on about my happiness, about how I deserved it and how it mattered, and I really wasn't in the mood to listen to them. One thing led to another, and they said that in my last relationship, I was happy. I discarded the idea (and the conversation), but I recalled that a few months into that relationship, someone else said they saw me smiling a lot more, and that they were sure that my girlfriend was good for me.
Looking back, I realize that I felt someone special loved me, and it was sufficient to change my outlook on life. My circumstances weren't that great, but they felt bearable because I believed I was loved. I definitely went overboard in making that relationship my primary source of happiness, but that was my safe zone, my hiding place.
The KJV renders this verse:
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.. Looking at the language, it seems that it's implied that storms will come: if something is going to bear (up under), then definitely, something's coming up top. This points to why I caved in when that relationship ended: the roof that was taking all the hits from the storms I was weathering was removed, and I didn't have a fallback roof.
This week, I read a tweet that reminded me of God's love for me (1 John 4:16). For some reason, in a world that went crazy and refused to make sense since, that has become a bastion of hope. When I'm tempted to look back at what I've lost, and despair things will ever get better, spending some time to think about God loving me has been my new crutch, and it's served me better than pornography or masturbation ever did.
I haven't arrived, but I've left. Perhaps sometime soon, I will really laugh without reserve, not because I'm trying to distract myself, but because I'm healed, because I know that God loves me.
I'm glad I've a new roof. Beats getting exposed to the elements.