Sunday, February 14, 2010

St. Val's day blues

Hello again. Haven't updated this rag here in a while — about a little over two weeks, in fact. Part of the reasons include plain laziness, dissatisfaction with the way I enter text on my phone (even though I choose it myself), occupation with other issues, & dissatisfaction with my mobile blogging experience, among others.

Plus, it's St. Valentine's day. Merely the thought alone is sufficient to give me the blues. I just got back my copy of Chip Ingram's Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships, was browsing through it last night for the first time & read the introduction.

Chip asks in the introduction what caught your eye about the book. Was it the cover photo of a couple rubbing noses together on a windswept beach? Do you want to trade places with one of them? And I realized that, yes, I do (I think whoever the male model for the cover photo is, he's a lucky bugger. She's hawt).

Quite on the contrary, my experience has been anything but <insert appropriate adjective here>. Except for a short, very misguided & exceptionally disastrous foray into the murky waters of a wrong relationship with someone else's girlfriend, I've basically been on my own. As a couple of friends & I would quip, I've been playing the game, but no touchdown. Even the amorphous 'relationship' I was venturing into seems ill-fated now (apparently I have been fishing in someone else's pond; the trouble with that is that the fish are almost certainly copyrighted & you never know if the waters are shark-infested. Let those who understand hold their peace, & those who don't seek enlightenment. 'nuff said).

So it's St. Val's day & I'm without a date, generally dissatisfied with the women around me & probably too cynical to like any of them romantically without being threatened, drugged, hypnotized and drunk all at the same time (or God showed up physically & spoke in a baritone voice. Don't get me wrong — lots of nice ladies here, but I'm looking for a certain, mostly indescribable more; the people who have it are thin on the ground & are largely unavailable. And can some tell me why it has to be a baritone voice? I'm sure the same God who gave Mel Blanc lots of voices can do many, many voices too).

Anyhow, I'm drifting to the conclusion that I'm barking up the wrong tree (don't I always) & have been spinning wheels for as long as I can remember (that's a nice way of saying being very active, but completely ineffective. It goes nowhere. The imagery is one of a rodent in a cage with a wheel in it. It may run & spin the wheel, but won't get anywhere. Much like a treadmill. Apologies to my readers who already know all this stuff. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here). I've dabbled into development, design, 3D & even digital music production (I really suck at this last one, yet for some reason I don't want to give it up. Probably emotional, since I have over 8GB of production-related software on my harddisk, mostly VST plugins. Can someone please come and download sense into my skull? I've even begun dabbling into Flex — last night — & if left alone long enough, Air). For all my dabbling, I've nothing to show. All this has to stop. Why do I get so easily distracted? Why don't I have fewer things I'm good at? Why don't I have results consistent with my ability? Argh!

Anyhow, rant over (for now). Dishes need to be done, & I've texts to send, plans to make, and so on. Later. Enjoy Val's day either single or with someone. You're someone of value, so treat yourself that way.

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