wow. third spagh meal in < 24 hours. if some spiky stuff starts growing outta my head, y'all heard it here first. right, down to today's business. i'm ticked off because: i got home late from church; i'm unsatisfied with my lunch; i was told in no uncertain terms several times today to get into a relationship, and i have a boatload of stuff to do. if i missed anything, i'll mention it later.
today i'd like to share some thoughts with guys. so this stuff may not be appropriate for ladies (and liberal arts majors). in fact, i reserve all rights to this post. so if you're reading this, it's either because you're a guy or you're a curious wench who has ignored my warnings against reading this long. let's assume you're a guy — just for argument. just note that YOU WERE WARNED. i was going to include the whole ERLA, but laziness prevailed, so i'll just assume you read it and agreed to waive any rights to prosecute me if this post does not appeal to your sense of decency. 'nuff said. moving on:
- You are responsible. yep, you are. for the Flood, for the sacking of Troy, for Watergate, and probably for the Apocalypse as well. ok, maybe not that. but you are responsible for any state you (or your relationship) are in right now. whether you're single or you mingle, whether your relationship sucks or rocks, you are responsible for the state of your life. so kick off any diapers you might be wearing and assume the position (sorry, responsibility). there is no man so weak as the one that assumes no responsibility. it's mysterious, but taking up responsibility makes a person stronger. and it's all the more truer for men.
- pretty don't take the cake (aka you can't eat pretty). growing up, i ate some of the ickiest (at least in my opinion at the time) stuff anyone might consider food. i particularly didn't like beans (and it shows now :D), and i always wondered why my mum even bothered. there was so much more interesting stuff like ice cream and chocolate. i still wonder why it is that stuff that's bad for you can easily taste so good, while stuff that's good for you needs quite some work to taste good. what's that got to do with women? you can't eat pretty. pretty doesn't keep a home clean and tidy. pretty doesn't help raise wonderful kids. a good woman (please notice the emphasis) does. i love pretty and beautiful things. i also would never marry a beautiful rug. let her looks be the icing on the (already excellent) cake. you can eat cake without icing, but icing without cake will just make you sick (let's not carry the analogy too far, as too much cake can also make you sick). someone once said a beautiful woman devoid of sense is a gold ring in a pig's snout. i realize you're wired to look for hot chicks with great bodies, but hold on a cotton-pickin' minute. Lewz D. Scruz's Guide to Women tells me that you will always find a more beautiful woman. so, looks can be sacrificed for more important things. what are those
more important things? how should i know?
- sex blinds you unless it's in the right context, so don't feed sexual desires. a wise man from the east told me that a relationship is like a model of a house. the model exists to tell you what the house is like, but you would have to reduce your stature to live in the model. that's an excellent description of what extramarital sex is like. you demean yourself if you're 'getting some' outside legal marriage. i'm not talking based on my Judeo-Christian roots. i'm talking from experience. i once tried to live in a kid's sketch of a house — i'm stretching the above analogy here, not being literal. it wasn't even up to the standard of an architect's first draft. it wasn't worth it. for one thing, you sow seeds of distrust that lay low until later if you eventually decide to 'go steady' with the person. or you might end up comparing one person's performance with another person's. the last thing you want to do is call someone else's name when you've made a commitment to someone (it's happened before). i remember once i was talking to an acquaintance, he spotted a young lady her knew and said
i suppose fuck that girl, to which i replied that if she slept with him, there's a really big probability the she was — or would be — sleeping with someone else. there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to convince me that extramarital sex does any good, even without the 'benefit' of 'religious beliefs'. the fact that everyone on the planet seems to be mad is no reason for you to lose your head. a really effective way to keep out of extramarital sex is
don't feed lust. don't kiss her. avoid pornography. don't jerk off (or wank, or whatever you decide to call it). in short, be disciplined, even in the area of food. you're wired to go in only one direction from doing most of the things above (i mention food as an example because if you let yourself slide in one way, you're likely to slide in other ways). so don't bother trying to fight nature. being the smart guy you are, you already know you'll lose.
- on your commitment, set, go! we live in a world that encourages us to be irresponsible. as i write, i've a great deal of laundry to do, and i fell asleep at my computer right after lunch. it's easy to leave things undone, just let them 'slide'. the problem is, because life is like a knitted jersey, tugging on one string can let the whole thing unravel. and a great deal of discipline is sticking to your commitments. i don't care if it's just that you planned to do the dishes or you have someone you're 'dating' (how i dislike that word. it gives me the creeps). as Arkad (The Richest Man in Babylon) said, you should complete each task you set yourself to, or how else will you gain confidence in your ability to do other tasks? i 'fapped' this from a friend who won't mind me using it here:
If you don't make a TOTAL COMMITMENT to whatever you are doing, then you start looking to bailout the first time the boat starts leaking. It's tough enough getting the boat to the shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on. so take off the life jacket, and start rowing. if you burn your bridges/boats, you have only once choice — win. as long as you present yourself with two options, you cannot focus. once you cannot focus, your chances of winning are reduced. focus is an amazing thing that does two completely opposite things at the same time: expands your vision and narrows it. be like Arkad, who loved leisure, and would not commit himself to things that would become burdensome for him to complete. be picky about what you allow yourself do, but don't do nothing. that's simply failure in party clothes trying to disguise itself. you're a man: to pick up a responsiblity is to commit to it. i remember one of my teachers stamping it into my being that
leaders always find a way (for the team) to win. he lived it himself. sometimes i've fely like cursing him for teaching me that, because a lot of times, it was the only thing that spurred me to accomplishing some tasks (no, i've never cursed him, only that when the 'ice cream moments' come — when you feel you did 'enough' and should let things slide — i remember him and it, and i no longer feel comfortable slacking off). i'm told that if we did everything we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves. this point was beautifully illustrated in the movie Facing the Giants, when Buck did the death crawl blindfolded.
- this one's so important, i'm tempted to advise you to put your relationship on 'hold' if you're lacking here until you sort this out. have somewhere going (aka have your own business, but not entirely in that sense). a reason a lot of guys don't want to ask ladies 'out' (where? the coffee shop? the mall? Paris?) is that they feel women want ready-made guys. i've been convinced (today, actually) that what women really need is security, and they're willing to hope that a share in your 'business' (or vision, dream or whatever) will provide them that. so, have somewhere going, something doing. be aspiring to something great, and be walking in that direction, running when you can, stumbling or crawling when you're forced to, flying when you have the means to — but be getting somewhere great, a place you can share with her and the kids and other people. a place where you're a real man who looks behind him and sees people following simply because he's impacted them for good.
- if you're not married to her, and you don't have the same (or very similar) value systems, break it up. let's face it, she's great. she's hot. but there's this problem: she's a party person, and you really don't dig parties. you don't mind a little libation now and then, and she's a teetotaler. stuff like that. please break up. there's the feeling of love, and there's the attitude of love. don't let the feeling blind you, because in a committed relationship, you live off the attitude of love, not the feeling (now you might understand why you never killed your annoying little brother). the feeling will wax and wane. the attitude is a choice. there's no point making the choice all the harder — it's hard enough without doing anything else. wherever you are, relationship-wise, keep driving the blinders back!. feelings are fickle things. it's a foolish man indeed who would risk the joy of 40 years or more for feelings that may have lasted 1 year or less (actually, you really shouldn't care how long the feelings have lasted). you're not emo by nature, so it's easier for you to sidestep your feelings and emotional attachments and deal with issues.
that's it for now. i've dishes to do. no point teaching and not doing. i'll update this later, so later!