Sunday, January 18, 2009

where's the cotton-pickin' "Undo" command in real life?

quite a bit has happened since i was here last. for one thing, it's now over 5 years since my mum passed on. and it seems that my dad is "officially moving on" — whatever that means in English. monday i was going home from work, and i saw this really hot (translate: hawt) chick getting out at Obalende. great body, pretty as a flower and had this really nice musical voice (i have no idea what that means either, but it sounds good ;)…and i started thinking about my life.

an ache i hadn't felt in a while came up (though i did the sensible thing and went looking for my next bus instead of gawking), an ache to have someone to hold, to talk to (don't act like you never felt it before! guys really want to have a beaty to rescue!)…and all that. there is no such person in my life. and in the last couple of months, i've been asked (subtly and non-too-subtly) quite a number of times about my "relationshipital" status. no, there's no one either here or on the horizon. so if i really want to hug someone, i'd better grab my pillow. and maybe weep into it. except i'm not that lame. or so i'd like to think. or maybe not. either way, it doesn't really matter since what i do with my pillow doesn't affect the price at which i buy fish in the market.

it's not like i've lacked opportunity to dig trenches and build bridges. at least i'm not in the "women are irritating" phase right now (on the contrary, they're currently interesting — but shall this soon come to pass also? i'm unhurried :D) it's just that for the most part — i get bored (ladies, seriously, it's got nothing to do with you. i easily get "bored" normally. so don't show up at my house with pitchforks, ok? ;), for lack of a better description. maybe they piss me off. maybe i piss them off. i dunno. rare has been the woman who held my attention for 6 weeks or more. i think i broke something. though i can't tell. few and far between are the friends with whom i share my secrets. that's another thing i realized. i've so many shallow relationships, i may just be scared of a real relationship. it's really easy to say, hi, bye. hey sweetie, you're looking good and all that crap, but…i need real relationships. not plastic people with vinyl smiles that are cracked and faded. i'm not even sure where this is coming from. despair? regret? but then, where exactly did i miss it? dunno. maybe this is just a random rant coming from a testosterone overload, but it doesn't matter. since it really doesn't affect the price of fish, anyway.

all said and done, i'll was over it in a couple of hours, then wonder why in the world i posted this anyway. since i wasn't the one who killed Jesus, and i'm not the third leg in humanity. just for fun, i wonder what kind of person would lose sleep thinking about me (ladies, here's an itty bitty cheat sheet: guys want to know you're thinking of them too. really. even though they act tough. guys like me, anyway. unless of course, i'm right and i'm in the minority ;). anyway, enough ranting. off to bed to start what i believe will be a glorious week. why? we two oddballs are going to be spending more time together. and it won't matter that there is no trench in progress. who's the other oddball? naisho da. have a great week!

PS: last year, i needed to do a head scan. i was somewhat excited about it because i believed that i would finally find out what nuts and whatnots were not in place in my head. the result came back…normal. seriously. i had a regular brain like everyone else. not a clockwork one. or an electronic one (might have fried a few circuits). it felt like a letdown. yet another proof that despite my best efforts, ore wa tada no ningen. ah well.

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