after the breakup

so this is me again, a few days later. i'm still alive - somehow. and even somehow coping with the 'loss' of my friend. of course, since i was the origin of this loss, i can't really complain. sometimes i wish i could just talk to her - maybe even call her with my phone number hidden - just to hear her voice. it doesn't help that she was really popular with my roommates, and they keep asking about her...even other people ask about her, or tell me that they saw her somewhere...

well, at least one person should be laughing about all this. friend of mine. ever since he met her with me, i don't think he's quite been the same. he was calling her more often than me, flirting with her, and all that - guess he'll be overjoyed that we aren't together anymore, so he can move in to comfort the distressed damsel...ah well. we got into an argument about this guy a few times - me telling her that he was interested in her - she going: "so what do you want me to do? i can't very well act paranoid - what if he's just being friendly?"...ah well. that's just a memory. just hope i made her happy for the time we were together. really. what the heck am i doing? i'm supposed to forget her! but i really don't want to. anyway, i've been blogging about this because i need to make sure this keeps up. the separation, that is. gon' grab me a lil' shut-eye, and i should be much better after.

screamin'

you know how they say that the things that are good for you - like vegetables - always seem unappetizing, while those that don't do you good - like cream donuts - are so hard to resist? evil rarely needs ads, but good things have to work overtime just to get your attention...

anyway, like i said before, there is this girl i'd been seeing. heck, more than seeing. everything started with one kiss, and promptly slid downhill from there on - without brakes. she's good-looking, smart, funny, fun to be with - but it was all wrong. for one thing, she was seeing someone else. for another, our relationship got very physical in a very short time - we might have been sleeping with each other given enough time - that i wonder if there was any real substance to it.

i'd been talking to my friends, and then sought help - i really liked her, but i decided to do what's right and break it off. so i started warming up to it. school closed on a Wednesday. i saw her up till Saturday when i went home, then cut off communications with her. she called me on my birthday (in fact she was the first person to call), i replied, then i called once more - and that was it. i knew she'd be mad, i missed her terribly, but i had to get used to not having her around.

the next time i saw her (last Wednesday), i acted aloof and cold when all i really wanted to do was take her into my arms and hold her close - and knowing my attitude would hurt her. finally broke it off on Friday - and she seemed to be taking it well. if i thought before hurt, it hurt even more yesterday. and then i got a text message. and another. if i wasn't talking to my homeboy, Woody, i might not have resisted replying. she wanted to see me, she wanted me to help with something important. i went out of my way to try to organize her for her but not be personally involved. meanwhile, i was turning into a zombie. i couldn't concentrate on my work, watching movies and anime lost its taste (we used to do this together), and depression was setting in. Woody advised me to go visiting - which basically fell flat because i really couldn't stomach people, and almost everyone seemed to be out last night. saw my pastor, complained to him, went back to my room. while i was out, she called - and it took everything i had to refuse to help personally. if i didn't fall sleep, i don't think i'd have made it through the night. despite what my pastor says about it getting better with each day, and God being on my side because i'm doing what's right - right now, i'm not looking forward to the rest of the year. it doesn't help that most everyone that might have helped out isn't around while i'm staring tetsubo in the face. well, here's to first seeing the month out. guess i'll just have to take it a day at a time. even now i wish i could just somehow wake up and it's all a dream, and she's back in my life. but it isn't going to happen. God, this hurts. is God Aztec? cause right now, i feel like my heart was ripped out and offered to Him.

Ahem, PHP 5 issues!

PHP 5 is such a wonder. i got a chance to use it when the host i'm using changed their PHP version to PHP 5.2.4 recently. before that, i'd been trying to write code compatible with both versions of PHP, and couldn't use exceptions and the like. coming from a background of C++, you might understand a few of the reasons i like PHP 5. anyway, since the host i was using changed their PHP version, i threw out the backward-compatibility and rewrote all my classes to use PHP 5 syntax - which reminds me of C++. of course, this came to bite me in the rear - twice already, and i may still have a few more bites before i'm done.

specifically, for one thing, i started using access modifiers. unfortunately, there was this little bit of my code that required me to access a data member from one class to another. using the old syntax, that was no problem, but when i changed to PHP 5, i automatically made all data members private - which caused an access error, since one class needed access to another's internals. anyway, that was quickly resolved and relatively minor. from my C++ heritage, the concept of destructors is quite cool - objects that 'know' how to clean themselves up when they die make life easy. when rewriting my code for PHP 5, i automatically started using destructors - i mean, let the database connection close itself when it goes out of scope - or shouldn't it? herein lies the problem: i wrapped sessions also and also provided a destructor - that cleaned up the session when the session object went out of scope! of course, i was high on PHP 5 and didn't quite realize that that would defeat the purpose of the session itself - why use sessions that would simply clean themselves up when the current script terminates? it took me quite some time to figure out why i couldn't log in - because the password was correct and when i looked at the access logs on my machine, i saw that i was redirected from the login page to the dashboard and back to the login page. besides, when i tried the wrong password, i got a different error message. d-uh!

Back in school

got back to school yesterday - moved back into my room today. no, i am not sweeping the room. it seems the last 3 or so times we leave campus, i'm about the first person back into the room, and therefore i'm the person who initiates cleaning. well, that's over. let someone else do it. we all live in the same room, don't we? met Toba's girl yesterday. he seems to be okay now that his exams are over. but law school calls - so he and the rest of the guys in final year law are basically packing up now. ah well. won't miss them.

finally! some archiver problems fixed!

for quite a while now, 7-zip has been my major archiver program. it works quite well, isn't large and clunky, and even though its icons suck, is pretty good. i usually use it together with another archiving program - either ZipGenius or IZArc, though ZipGenius has nicer icons. that's because of the ACE archive format - for some reason, there's no support for this in 7-zip. IZArc seems to handle the largest number of formats of the three, though since i don't have it installed, i can't make any definite statement on that. in case you're wondering why i don't just use ZipGenius and ignore 7-zip, it's because 7-zip has the handy feature of extracting all useful information in an archive. that means if an archive is corrupt - say about 4.5kb from the end, when you extract from that archive using 7-zip, all the useful information from that archive up to the corrupt point is kept after it hits the error. other archiving programs delete the file after encountering an error, which may be shooting you in the foot, as even the partial extract can be useful.

anyway, i had some problems with all three. when you tried to extract a series of archives using their shell extensions, all three launched different processes for each archive handled, meaning that if you were extracting two archives using the ZipGenius shell extension, ZipGenius would run twice; for five archives, it would run five times, and so on. the versions of ZipGenius and 7-zip affected were 6.02 and 4.42 respectively (as far as i can tell, the latest version of IZArc still does this. WinRAR has had it right for about as long as i can remember). this may not have been a problem, but let's say all the archives had a file with the same name in them, and you were extracting them into the same location. you'd have to answer the overwrite dialog for each additional archive - which, in case you didn't already figure it out - is annoying (this is more common than you may think at first blush - lots of people put a file named 'readme.txt' into archives).

in addition to that, ZipGenius didn't work well on Vista - which i found out to my chagrin after installing it for a friend. the shell extension kept crashing Windows Explorer - so i uninstalled it and installed IZArc for him. after getting home, i went over to both the 7-zip and ZipGenius sites and got both the latest beta (4.55) and the latest update (6.03) for each of them, and installed it. now, 7-zip uses just one process, no matter how many archives you're extracting, and the shell extension is disabled on Vista for ZipGenius (haven't tried doing the multiple-archive extract with this update though). apart from that, 7-zip quits with an error message if it can't open a file as an archive instead of just opening the folder containing the offending file. also, the ZipGenius update has its shell extension on steroids - not only .zip archives, but .rar and even .tar.gz archives report how many files are contained - but this number can be misleading, especially if the archive is corrupt (like when i was downloading an archive and the download broke...)

what's poppin'

i grew an interest in Avatar - The Last Airbender because i learnt about it on one of an anime site. i started getting low-quality videos of it (up to season 2), and it's really quite nice. It's still ongoing, so those of you who get Nickelodeon should check out the schedule. It should still run another 6+ weeks, but i gather season 3 is what's up these days, so maybe you might want to search YouTube, though when i just searched now, i didn't find any season 1 episodes...but then i'm too busy to look for them properly...

contrary to what i learned about D.Gray-man, the anime is still ongoing. i thought it would end at 51 episodes, but it's still got a long way to go...

Kaze no Stigma, Claymore, Heroic Age and Darker than Black are all ended (at least for now, anyway). someone told me about History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi episode 51, but i can't find it anywhere - i'm starting to think the guy was (at least this once) selling snake oil. also, the last 3 episodes of Karas are out - and the fourth episode has already been fansubbed by Anime-Kraze. i was on the Dattebayo website a few days back, and they'd announced that they'd stop subbing Bleach, so i was surprised that i got Bleach episode 144 - subbed by Dattebayo, no less! on checking the site once again, i found out it was probably a joke on their part, as 'drop Bleach' was replaced by 'not drop Bleach', and the actual announcement was replaced with a Google search for 'dattebayo drop bleach'...

Moms rule!

just came across xkcd. moms rule! (umm, don't bother unless you know at least some SQL)

Psycle 1.8.5 released

having nothing in particular to rant about this early in the morning, i'd like to inform whoever might be reading this blog, has an interest in digital music production, doesn't like piracy, and is willing to work hard (that pretty much eliminates everyone reading this, but if by some miracle you scaled through...) that Psycle 1.8.5 has been released, and you can also get a bunch of VST plugins to go with it...sorry, Windows only. SourceForge hosts, so all you who use download managers beware (no, i will not tell you which mirrors work best. find out yourself).

while we're on the subject, about 4 months back, Psycle's original author passed away in an auto crash. he will be well-missed, as he contributed (wholly or in part) to several audio-related projects, including FLStudio plugins, among others. in other words, even though he didn't live that long, he left a mark - do something with your life (look who's talking...).

i happened to look up his site, and pretty much everything he worked on when he was alive there is free. you can't get too much help, so download away.

arrgh! i hate friends!

okay, updates. school was closed down on wednesday. i only heard about it around 10pm, and i thought it was a sick joke at the time. since i don't have a camera, i didn't record the mass exit. that really sucks, dude. anyhow, i'm in lagos for a few days - have to return to school, you know.

Woody didn't show up for his part of the gig, so i had to fill his shoes. i hate friends! there i was, looking like an idiot, trying to demonstrate the use of wings 3d and blender. i just hope that someone got some idea of what was what. and Dade just had to put the pictures on Photobucket! is he high or something? i've promised his sister that his just reward will be death and dismemberment, unless of course he can pay me off - and i don't come cheap.

Woody didn't tell me he was hopping off to Ghana. and he has to gall to call me from there...(fuming - do i look convincing?) anyhow, i guess he and the girls and guys are doing great over there. they missed being kicked out of school, as school was closed down the night they left.

History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi is over, and we at the church of kenichi in school do bring you greetings from history's strongest pervert - sorry, disciple. or we'd like to think so. my evil twin was over for a few days - had fun with him. well, i guess i'd better go back to looking for free food - why else would i come home today?

waaah!

having nothing in particular i feel like blogging about today, i think i'll just scream.

Long time, no see

it's been quite a while since i last blogged. and that's not good. unfortunately for me, my blog seems be getting quite a bit of popularity, at least as far as i can see. i attended a session of 60 Minutes with the Geeks, and people were pointed to my blog. why, i don't know, since my blog is less techie and more personal. ah well. guess that's the downside to being 'famous' - you lose your personal life. somewhat, anyway.

so what's been happening in my life? lots. but since quite a bit of it also involves other people, i can't say much here. but:

• The anime History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi is over. i think the end was okay, but some people think it's crappy. opinions differ
• Nigeria celebrated her independence. duh.
• i got like, really, really, broke

..among other things, anyway. well, gotta go now. later!

Blender 2.45 out!

the link's not officially on the main Blender website

Autodesk student program

strange, the things i sometimes pick up on the internet. can't remember just how i got this information, but it seems Autodesk - the company behind industry greats like 3ds max, AutoCAD and Maya - has a student program in which you can get free (but restricted) versions of some of their software, including Revit, Inventor and AliasStudio. you can access the student program via this link. better yet, it seems you don't need a school-issued email address to register for the program, but you will need someone from your school faculty to sign you up. all you need do is invite the person to the program, and that person can authorize yours and other email addresses for registration. well, guess at least someone will take advantage of this info...

oh, crap!

it's been quite a while since i last blogged. not exactly my fault. my normal internet connection is down, and i also have to deal with some issues that i'm not exactly happy to write about. i mean, too many people i know and see at least every week or so actually read my blog. not exactly a great motivation to write about myself as freely as i would have otherwise. anyways, i'm not too bad. hope my internet connection gets restored very soon. it's annoying being unable to download anything via browser.

had one of those "why did i ever get out of bed this morning?" days yesterday. it started pretty good, so i thought it was going to be another ordinary day. boy, i was young and foolish and had no idea what was coming my way...i first updated my antivirus program, AVG Free for the first time in about 12 days (i did mention my regular internet connection was down, didn't i?), and then it began detecting OpenSong, a program i'd been using on my machine for well over four months with AVG Free, as a trojan. and then i show up at church and not one person in my team makes it early. worse still, our equipment made it in almost a full hour after service had started - not exactly very comforting setting up while service is going on. the day rapidly went downhill from there on, including the fact that i need to use OpenSong for my work in church. it was not funny ignoring all those virus warnings while working...ah well. the day ended, and i'm still alive, or so i think...though i may be wrong, even if i would like to be proved right...

The "Breakup"

long time, no post. that's what happens when you keep your mind off the important stuff, and get saddled with something as inconsequential as surviving. anyhow, been up to no good since my last post. have returned to school with the best of intentions but have performed the worst of actions.

so i got to the park and was leaving when i saw her again. one thing led to another, and we've got into an argument, all lovey-dovey, and a "breakup". this time, i mean it to be for real. she's just outside now, it's about 3am, and i wish she were here...

to put things in perspective, i promised Woody that i'd not contact her until i returned to school. i broke that. i kept carrying on with her, even though i knew there was no future in it. i guess the worst thing is that i like her. i really do. and i will never again feel superior to my friend who swore he'd kiss a pair of lips before he graduated (he did, they hooked up, and drove each other up the wall - though not necessarily in that order). anyway, i decided that i'd been ambivalent enough, and that i'd "break up" for real this time. i did - about an hour ago. the only good thing is i still feel somewhat numb and pretty sick. spoken like a true jerk. i was warned that there'd be no nice-guy way out of this, and i let it progress too far. guess i really have earned my "Certified Jerk" status.

Rocks and pillows

made it through the night without one phone call. yay. didn't get much sleep though. guess i'll have to swear off anime for a while - it's eating up valuable time and resources (most noticeably harddisk space).

weird. i'm thinking a little different since last night. maybe i was tired last night. women can be noisy, nosy and plain exasperating. plus, they have this ability to make absolutely no sense at all. it really is a talent, and i'm surprised we don't have more female comedy sketches. and Hollywood has it wrong - who says the women are smarter, and usually have it all together? anyway, before i get crucified remotely, women have their redeeming qualities. you've heard how form follows function, right? well, hugging a woman (sometimes irrespective of her actual form) can be like hugging a pillow. guys, no offence, but hugging any of y'all is like, well, hugging a rock. ewwww. who'd get warmth from that?

the truth is, a woman would. remember i said "form follows function"? well, look at it this way: otoko wa senshi. they are created to protect, to provide, and deal with nasties. they're meant to have strength. so they need hardness and rough edges. they're rocks. women on the other hand, are nurturers, feeders (this isn't to say they're supporters relegated to a back role, though they do kind of play a supporting role). they're meant to care and be soft and comfy (i hear the angry mobs coming), a place where a man can shed his strength (at least temporarily) and renew it (now you now why little boys instinctively flex their non-existent muscles around a pretty girl. big boys still do it too, even if they do have muscles. and you can replace muscles with looks, charm, pumped up ride, big bucks, or whatever. it's basically a way of saying, "i'm strong, a rock you can depend and anchor on"). so guys are basically the hero-warrior who rescue to damsel in distress, and the ladies are the damsel for whom the hero-warrior is strong for, the ones who get rescued. or at least that's how it was supposed to be. something happened a long time ago, and got men and women broken inside. now, we just have males and females who don't know what they're supposed to be or do. mendokusai o ne!

Life without limbs

about Nick Vujicic: you can find out more about this remarkable man at his website, Life Without Limbs. Lord knows some of us (looking in mirror) have just about no idea what they take for granted and waste

I really need a tune-up

yo! mina-san, hisashibiri! been almost two weeks since i updated this blog. it feels like an eternity since my last post...

so, let's start with the updates. exams are over and i'm at home! yay! i get to talk with my dad and sister without using a phone - every day! or at least while i'm still home, which is for about a week. and talk about atrophy! i've been trying to design a website for some folks, and since the last one i designed was about 2 years back, and dude - i really suck now! here's a sample of what i did. i'll post the work in progress as i improve on it...good thing it's not due for another couple of weeks...

after i got back to school, i got myself involved with this chick that i've known for about a year or so...we ended up spending quite a bit of time together. this is going to sound arrogant and chauvinistic, but i think she likes me. and i like her too, but...

it's been the story of my life. i've never had a romantic relationship with anyone. and not for lack of trying on my part. Biyi tells me that women tend to like me, and it seems that way to me too, but my experience gives the lie to that. at least one girl has left my life twice without me working up the courage to ask her out. and i was kind of getting to it too... i've had one outright rejection (i've also only asked outright once), i've lost interest a couple times (more often than not, i just run out of steam), i've had to "give up" a girl for a friend (yes, my sickening brand of "honour" does the most amazing things to me) at least once, just about every woman who says she loves me is married, engaged or in a steady relationship...and now, this - but it won't work out. not like this. maybe later, under different circumstances. but it doesn't stop me from aching to call her, talk with her, be with her. call me desperate or a basket case - but i would really like to have someone hold on to my arm like i was her knight in shining armor. and i'm sick of waiting for a stone wall to suddenly cave in.

seems to me i really need to work out my issues - but that doesn't stop me from wondering why i seem to be saddled with unavailable women. ah well. it's just as well i'm not in a relationship right now anyway. i still have a long way to go, and i'm no good as i am right now. i need to get stronger, until i can protect my important people (i really have watched too much anime!)

Cleanliness is next to godliness...

no, that little sweetheart is not in the bible. for a really long time, i thought it was, especially since i thought i saw something like it in a bible. and no, you haven't exceeded your clean limit yet - just for all the closet slobs out there - and don't worry, i happen to be one, even though my membership is rather shaky. no, i'm not explaining myself either.

exams are almost over, so i'd best get back into the troposphere and hang on an antenna, since i'm not done just yet. and why do my friends know my blog? i can't say all the stuff i want to say on this one (and i'm too lazy to create another), ah well. you can't have everything your way, i suppose.

i actually check my mail sometimes, as opposed to merely looking it over and deleting things in it. that's how i found out about Nick Vujicic, an inspiring young man who reaches out to very many people every day. Nick was born in Australia, of Christian parents, and is a about year older than i am. rather ordinary, except he was born without limbs. and he's going for his dreams and making lots of impact. he's truly learned to "count it all joy". reading it this morning was rather sobering for me, as i was depressed and was about giving up on making any significant impact in life. my life has been a long story of uncompleted projects and abandoned dreams. it got to me yesterday, and i really wanted to give up on everything. i might have been voted "Most Likely to Succeed" at my elementary and secondary education levels, but i've not achieved anything of value so far - and i'm talking about almost 10 years ago at the most recent. i wish i could share the mail, but that would mean sharing my dad's email address (GMail does a great job of filtering out spam, but why tempt spammers?). still, i might just reconstruct the mail so you can share in this young man's amazing tale. get - and stay - inspired. life is meant to be lived with passion.

and finally, using Safari as an everyday browser might not have been such a good idea after all, as it crashes faithfully and consistently. Apple still has a long way to go in making this beast tame. till then, i wish them luck.

now, i've really started exams

first major paper tomorrow. i'm not all that grounded, but i'm confident that i actually know what i know - or am i just being arrogant and presumptuous? that has gotten me into trouble countless times. i just doing just as i feel like won't help anything. ah well.