St. Val's day blues

Hello again. Haven't updated this rag here in a while — about a little over two weeks, in fact. Part of the reasons include plain laziness, dissatisfaction with the way I enter text on my phone (even though I choose it myself), occupation with other issues, & dissatisfaction with my mobile blogging experience, among others.

Plus, it's St. Valentine's day. Merely the thought alone is sufficient to give me the blues. I just got back my copy of Chip Ingram's Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships, was browsing through it last night for the first time & read the introduction.

Chip asks in the introduction what caught your eye about the book. Was it the cover photo of a couple rubbing noses together on a windswept beach? Do you want to trade places with one of them? And I realized that, yes, I do (I think whoever the male model for the cover photo is, he's a lucky bugger. She's hawt).

Quite on the contrary, my experience has been anything but <insert appropriate adjective here>. Except for a short, very misguided & exceptionally disastrous foray into the murky waters of a wrong relationship with someone else's girlfriend, I've basically been on my own. As a couple of friends & I would quip, I've been playing the game, but no touchdown. Even the amorphous 'relationship' I was venturing into seems ill-fated now (apparently I have been fishing in someone else's pond; the trouble with that is that the fish are almost certainly copyrighted & you never know if the waters are shark-infested. Let those who understand hold their peace, & those who don't seek enlightenment. 'nuff said).

So it's St. Val's day & I'm without a date, generally dissatisfied with the women around me & probably too cynical to like any of them romantically without being threatened, drugged, hypnotized and drunk all at the same time (or God showed up physically & spoke in a baritone voice. Don't get me wrong — lots of nice ladies here, but I'm looking for a certain, mostly indescribable more; the people who have it are thin on the ground & are largely unavailable. And can some tell me why it has to be a baritone voice? I'm sure the same God who gave Mel Blanc lots of voices can do many, many voices too).

Anyhow, I'm drifting to the conclusion that I'm barking up the wrong tree (don't I always) & have been spinning wheels for as long as I can remember (that's a nice way of saying being very active, but completely ineffective. It goes nowhere. The imagery is one of a rodent in a cage with a wheel in it. It may run & spin the wheel, but won't get anywhere. Much like a treadmill. Apologies to my readers who already know all this stuff. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here). I've dabbled into development, design, 3D & even digital music production (I really suck at this last one, yet for some reason I don't want to give it up. Probably emotional, since I have over 8GB of production-related software on my harddisk, mostly VST plugins. Can someone please come and download sense into my skull? I've even begun dabbling into Flex — last night — & if left alone long enough, Air). For all my dabbling, I've nothing to show. All this has to stop. Why do I get so easily distracted? Why don't I have fewer things I'm good at? Why don't I have results consistent with my ability? Argh!

Anyhow, rant over (for now). Dishes need to be done, & I've texts to send, plans to make, and so on. Later. Enjoy Val's day either single or with someone. You're someone of value, so treat yourself that way.

Geh!

I hate computers. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I've been trying to install Photoshop CS4 trial for a couple of days. No dice. Since my internet connection peaks about 1KB/s, it's troublesome even getting information on the issue. And I'm not the only one. People all over the world have had issues installing Adobe's CS3 and CS4 products. I never had such problems on Windows XP, but I've since moved to Windows Vista. As Jester says in Devil May Cry 3, "Welcome to Hell!"

I was working on something last night, and needed to fire up Red Gate's Reflector, and it gave me some grief about updating. Problem is, as I mentioned above, my "high speed internet" package has been downgraded (possibly due to the environment I'm in), and so downloading the 1.05MB update took over 15 minutes (a great deal better than the time I was online for one hour to download the same software, I must admit). And I'm trying to build Castle ActiveRecord, it apparently has different ideas. I can't remember how I built it the last time I used it, and my link is too slow to be trying to get the latest trunk over Subversion (I have been trying to complete the download of Windows Powershell 2.0 for Vista for over a week now. I need Powershell to install SQL Server 2008 Express, but I'm not sure if version 2.0 will work. I'd have downloaded version 1.0, but thanks to Windows Genuine Advantage not working with my slow link, I've been forced to try to get Powershell 2.0, which weighs in at 32MB instead of 1.0's much lighter 5MB, but doesn't bother with WGA). All I'm trying to do right now is get info on how to redirect both standard output and standard error to the same file, so I can diagnose what to do about Castle not building, but Firefox can't find www.google.com.ng. I couldn't even publish this this first time I tried to. I'd have had an easier time just fooling around. It was when I started trying to get work done that all this nonsense started cropping up. I hate computers.

Update: I finally got SQL Server 2008 Express setup going, after a (mostly) sleepless night. I think this is going to be the last time I use w.bloggar. I can't seem to enter a post title. Now the power's off, so I hope this setup hurries itself up without draining the battery.

08-01-2010

And a brief vista into my world: Blender 2.5 is sexy, even in alpha. Was in a four-hour-long meeting & developed a horrible headache that lasted the rest of the day; as usual, Infotech CDS club training was again relatively empty. The scheduled election didn't hold, meaning something troublesome may show up very soon. I wish some people would think less highly of me, in the sense that their expectations of me would be less, therefore less troublesome.

I think the world is standing on its head, or at least public opinion is. One person decides to bomb a plane from Nigeria (who in all probability hasn't even been in tne country in years), & suddenly we're a "terrorist state"? Give me a break. I don't really expect better anyway, I guess I'm just blowing off steam. In a more humorous light, a dead cat was removed from the ceiling of Party House. The awful stench of it! M & I had to eat out. The entire male section of PH cleared out for a while. Well, I's off.

07-01-2010

Happy new year, reader, whomever you may be, frequent reader or no. May this year be for you a great one.

I hate everything. I'm in that kind of mood today. It's 12:41am here & I'm sleep deprived. I'm using a phone to blog because I realized MTN GPRS is faster than the Glo HSDPA modem I'm using to update my antivirus (avg spd 1.1kB/s).

My bank gave me an interest of NGN 1.51 & actually bothered sending me a text (for which I'll be charged NGN 10.00) to inform me.

I'm back in Tsafe, where the Glo hi-speed internet has magically become low-speed & is too slow & unreliable even to update my antivirus. P(w)HCN has struck, so I'm running the modem off the laptop battery. One roommate is chatting on MTN XtraCool, one's snoring, & I'm wondering how I've been reduced to downloading less than 20MB in 4+ hours online.

All this negativity's getting to me. I'm going to mention things I'm grateful for.

• Family, friends, church: my sanity would have frittered away long ago if not for them. Maybe even my life itself.
• Instead of tapping keys on a keypad to blog, I'm tapping a stylus to a screen (let the ignorant remain so). I'm also very excited about what God's about to do in a certain friend's life (oga, we dey reach that top together).
• God was über-faithful in 2009; & last I checked He hadn't died, so 2010's shaping up to be a great year.
• My roommate got back from home to make his clearance yesterday.
• One of my kids gave me some weird stuff to eat on Monday, followed me around & insisted (in the persistent, cute, but annoying way children do) I ate it myself. I'm still alive, & I think everything still works, so that's a good thing.
• I'm tired enough to sleep. The antivirus actually finished updating, leaving the battery tanked up enough to do some stuff with Joomla, Python, Python for Symbian Series 60, anime or whatever.

There's a lot more, but I'm gonna grab me some shuteye. What've you got to be grateful for?

How do you greet someone around this time again?

compliments of the chef...wait, that's not right...condiments of the seasoning...still rings...hollow...curry of the thyme...are we there yet?...congratulations on your chickening...na long thing be this o! chei! see my life!...eat plantain on the mountain...look, this thing can't kill me. just understand the sentiment! and have a merry christmas and a happy new year in advance was that it?.

I feel like an idiot

this post title does not imply in any way that I am one. I just feel like one. I woke up not long ago to darkness around me. Not suprising. The lights were turned off last night. What was suprising was that the inverter was showing a drained battery and had tripped off. It wasn't the first time ever, but it was a first for me in a long time, since it was my first night at home in roughly three months. I then remembered what someone (a former serving colleague) said about my laptop: it draws more power than a tv.

I've been trained as an electronic/electrical engineer (as far as my alma mater is concerned, anyway), and have taken great pride in showing my understanding of not just my (academic) field of study but other fields of study. Yet I dismissed Femi's calculation (I even gave him the final answer) on the power rating of my laptop adapter, and the implied consequences, maybe because he was not a B.Sc holder but a HND graduate, or maybe because he studied mechanical engineering.

My pride and arrogance had blinded me to appreciating the fact that he was certainly the highest earning corps member in my local government, maybe even in the whole state. It can even be argued that he'd be a candidate for the same nationally. Not on his federal or state allocation, but via his skill. In electrical work. My field of study. And so I despised and forgot his results and what they implied, until this morning when I realized for myself my laptop was the single biggest culprit in the inverter's decline.

It's fitting that I heard a message last night, and the speaker talked about someone like me, reading from Ecclesiastes 10:15: A wise and poor child is better than an old king who will no longer be admonished (paraphrased)

As Timbaland said, "The damage is done". But I hope I've learned one vital and valuable lesson: I don't know everything, and I don't need to become arrogant. I'd never been faced with the results of my arrogance like this, but what else might I be suffering from — or even causing others because of arrogance and the blindness it brings?

You still don't get to call me an idiot

15-12-09

Found a rat in my room this morning. Called D over after trapping it. When it ran into a folded mattress, I took great pleasure in pounding said mattress, then stepping on the crippled rat (ending its existence) after it fled its erstwhile hiding place. I always suspected I had bloodlust. Now I have proof. Since I don't take alcohol, I guess I'll have to blame it on Bleach. And Hellsing. And all the anime.

Only today realized that I & I are the only Batch B corpers left in Party House, maybe even in Tsafe. Odd I didn't notice that as at Sunday, I was the only one of my batch in PH.

I'd appreciate specific info on Glo's mobile internet service (speed, ease & method of recharge/top-up, available plans with costing, etc).

I realized with a new clarity today that it's a wee bit uncomfortable taking a leak when you understand you probably can be seen about 200 meters out doing so. From the wrong side. In broad daylight. Grow, grass, grow!

S is breeding two cute white rabbits in PH, male & female. My first time seeing any in real life. Anyone interested in buying after they breed contact me (I'm interested. I'm only wondering if I can keep up the commitment needed raising a pet).

Apparently, while I'm still here, it's ok not to answer calls I don't want to pick up, then later claim I was charging my phone. Or not. On the phone issue, I should blog later about my recent experiences with Java mobile browsers. when I get 'real' internet. For now, staying awake to complete this post is an issue. So I'll go to sleep. Night

13-12-09

Edit: between the rats & not feeling well, I ended up sending the
email for this post to the wrong address. Oh, joy. Plus, I found a couple of issues with emailing to post on this blog. And this blind spot on my phone screen has been hiding stuff from me. It pours. Heavily.

I feel horrible, so bad I had issues recalling today's date for this
post. And worst part is I'm awake because of darned *rats*. I'm the
only one left in my room, and it seems they've recently discovered
Party House. Considering PH's state of disrepair, it's no wonder the
infernal creatures can get in. Why do I get to battle rats & there's a
directive from NYSC at the federal level that corps members shouldn't
travel (just heard a rat wandering about on the ceiling. Why are the
blasted creatures mostly nocturnal)? As you can probably tell, I
*really* hate rats.
I've decided that travelling 30 mins or more to access the internet
for (arguably) serious stuff is unacceptable (you might also be able
to tell that I also don't like going to Gusau). So I decided I need
internet access here in Tsafe (by this time, I'm wondering why Nokia's
T9 prediction brings up 'babes' just before 'access' on my phone. Are
even they trying to say something?), and I can choose between the
major GSM providers that also supply internet. Question is, what will
pay me? Already hearing woes about Etisalat's billing & recharge
system. A definite minus, since power is an issue in Tsafe.
I've no idea how I'm going to manage till after CD on Thursday to get
out of town. There's been no power for several days, and I'd estimate
there are less than 50 corpers left in Tsafe, less than 15 of which
are left in Party House. Yay. I'd better crawl under my curtain & go
to sleep.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Updates!

Well...haven't done this since the NCCF national conference in Jos. Hope I still remember how.

Jos was cold, mind-numbingly, excruciatingly COLD. And unlike Tsafe here, it's a moist cold, not a dry one. Every night the bedding felt like someone just poured ice-cold water all over. Turning the mattress over didn't really help after about 3 minutes. I usually sleep with just a tee in Tsafe (and maybe something to cover myself with). In Jos, I wouldn't dare the same. At least once I wore a shirt, my NYSC 'khaki' top, and my windbreaker on top to boot as sleepwear. Also only parted with my headwarmer when I realized my brother wasn't using any.

It was great seeing D at the conference. We hadn't since the wedding, and he'd been busy with work & studies. We took time to look for trouble together & took a trip to Jos itself (the campground isn't in Jos per se, but it's relatively close).

D introduced me to some of his fellow corps members (mostly ladies...oga, please explain). I'm wondering why my younger brother's taking after a slacker like me. It requires some serious thought & possibly prayer. One of the ladies I met through him is a lovely young lady named Udeme — I'm forced to remember all the times we just to joke, 'my husband Udeme is an irresponsible idiot' from the Guinness ad. Can't look at the name the same way anymore.

Burned a great deal of my phone credit at camp looking for and trying out file managers for my S40 phone. Eventually settled on BlueFTP, but should try out a couple more soon. Got appointed to a zonal post in fellowship the weekend after Jos. Who donates people all these bad ideas, anyway?

By the way, I'm doing this from a friend's phone using a 'custom' build of Opera Mini. I want to appeal to the mobile service providers in Nigeria to make GPRS browsing cheaper, and allow people to legally use Opera Mini. All this free browsing is lost revenue for them, & they're seriously underestimating the Nigerian (& human) appetite for freebies. Later

25-11-09

This might be my last blog post for the duration of the NCCF national
conference. Got to the 'hostel' & it doesn't seem that I might be able
to charge my phone easily here.
Have been procrastinating about calling my dad. I'm not really sure I
told him about the conference, and calling him now that I'm in Jos
seems...rude. I still need to make that call though, uncomfortable as
it might be.
As many things involving group action & somewhat poor planning, it was
tiresome. I gave up my sleep only to discover it was unnecessary. We
left Tsafe for Gusau almost two hours late, and Gusau over 3 hours
later than scheduled. One good thing is that I finally got to see the
NCCF Zamfara family house. I'm glad I wasn't posted to Gusau. I might
have had to stay there & I found some of the house rules there
restrictive. Some things I'm glad about though. Yesterday when the
batch C corps members passed out of camp, a vehicle carrying some of
them to Gusau had an accident, and one of them died. This became the
choice topic of discussion - a poor choice of pre-journey conversation
topics. The state 'Uncle' took charge & talked about not letting fear
in.
The trip to Jos took about 7 hours including stoppage time. There's a
part of the road where we got covered in dust - first white then
red-brown. I've no desire to see what my head looks like now, since my
jacket looked (at last check) really old. An issue with the bedding is
its on the ground, and it feels cold & damp. I'm grateful to God I'm
here in one piece. I hope to learn just why I'm here at this time.
I'll check in later if I can.

--
Sent from my mobile device

19-11-09

Today's been one of those days. First, woke up to a really cold
morning. I had the distinct feeling that someone left the deep freezer
in heaven open & shoved us in. Kept trying to put off my shower this
morning, but ended up doing so since I needed to get the financial
report to be presented at today's CD meeting printed & copied.
Got to the place I usually print, but it was locked. After waiting for
over 30 minutes, went looking elsewhere. Found a place, but their
generator didn't start. Went back to the first place, and met the
acting CLO there & the owner trying to start the generator. By that
time, my patience had already gone (as Rudyard Kipling wrote) where
dead crabs go, since it implied I wouldn't make it back to Party House
in time to wash dishes, prepare & have breakfast. If I only knew.
When I got back to Party House, I just dropped off the pasta I bought
earlier & went to bother A, who was playing Scrabble at the time.
While I'm on the subject, can someone please explain this 'live S'
stuff I keep hearing? M & I told A to play 'metes', and S said because
the dictionary didn't have 'metes' in the definition for 'mete', it
shouldn't have been allowed. In my opinion, since 'mete' is a
transitive verb, how would one use it for the third person in present
tense? Let someone tell me that.
CD today was (expectedly) very long & tiresome, since the financial
report of the batch B & C welcome & send-forth programmes was
presented, and there was a deficit. Plus, we got into a big to-do over
the standing orders of the house. Personally, I don't get how
graduates of institutions of higher learning in Nigeria don't know
what a budget is, or what it represents.
At long last, the ordeal that passed for a CD meeting came to an end
after almost 4 hours. After finally cleaning up, I prepared lunch,
ate, and debated whether or not to go to Gusau. I finally decided to
go, chiefly because Reflector was giving me grief, and I have never
gotten to browse in the only 'cybercafe' we have in Tsafe. Big
mistake. Talk about download speeds of less than 1kB/s. Reflector is
less than 1.5MB, but it took almost the whole hour to download.
Ah well. All's well that ends in the well

--
Sent from my mobile device

17-11-09

It's gotten cold again. And dusty. Very dusty. I need to remember to
get one of those surgical masks or I'll soon be containing enough dust
to build my own house.
It's been fun, but I fear that I've been had. I was sold snake oil. Or
why else would I feel so empty & act so ineffectively? I'm looking for
a way out. Not particularly from this location in a geographical
sense, but a ladder or rope out of this rut. I still look good on the
outside, but it's a matter of time before people find out that the
legs of the corpse I buried are sticking out, as a certain friend
would say.
Not sure what exactly I'm afraid of. If it's fear of being labelled
'weird', I thought I'd given up ever being thought 'normal'. Maybe
it's men's approval I seek so much as to risk the opposite from God.
Or pleasure. Whatever it is, I can no longer suppress the 'ache' I
'feel' as it were. Bruce Wilkerson, in his book 'Secrets of the Vine',
talks about God disciplining branches that don't bear fruit. I'll
suggest you read the book yourself.
Need to go shower, but the wind's blowing. Maybe I'll skip that till
later when conditions are more favorable (tried to remember the last
time I used warm water for a shower, and drew a blank. Probably not in
the last 6 months or even longer. It's never been a habit).
I pity the C batch in camp. They - like us here in Party House - are
pretty much exposed to the air for showers. And they look generally
like a milk-and-water lot. Exceptions abound, but quite a number acted
like students still in school when I was exposed to them in Party
House. Time will reveal if they're made of sterner stuff or lack
backbone, as it does all men. Need to get up *NOW*, even though I
don't feel like it. Off to school again.
Odd that of all things to teach me about doing the right things, it
should be a game. Or maybe not. The last time I played a game, I
played levels 1 through 5, before getting a 'game over' in level 5,
with a score of 11000+. After learning *one thing* about the game, I
played from level 1 to 3, getting a game over in level 3, with a score
of 19000+. Same game. Same difficulty setting. Less time. More
results. It's going to be work working this out, but work can be very
profitable, as I learned from reading 'The Richest Man in Babylon'
last night.
Had a blast last night while there was power. Everyone left me in the
room, so I first started out with Ys: The Ark of Napishtim, then
switched to anime soundtracks & writing code. Found my copy of .NET
Reflector won't run anymore without an update. If anyone can tell me a
way to stop this, please let me know. I *need* Reflector working. It's
one of the greatest tools I know for working on .NET. I feel crippled
without a copy. I want to use ActiveRecord with LINQ (read:
LinqBridge, since it's .NET 2.0), and the lack of Reflector makes it
difficult to grok the LINQ extensions to ActiveRecord. Anyhow, it's
late now. Gotta go to sleep so I can think properly about some design
decisions I need to make. G'night

--
Sent from my mobile device

Hit the wall

Woke up this morning by the alarm on my watch. First time in about a
week. Sleeping on my own does have its advantages.
Thinking about W. I should stop using my head to figure out things &
pray for direction. Apparently, I've gotten emotionally attached to
her to some level. And I'm trying to break loose before I give the
wrong impression.
I've heard when a woman loves a man romantically, she can give
anything to him, do anything for him (people always talk about when a
man is smitten - they should see when a woman is!). Being given that
awesome power is a huge responsibility - if you're willing to act like
a *real* man.
I've heard so much on what being a 'real' man is. One description I
personally like is 'taking responsibility'. For his life, for his
family, for the level of impact he has...and more. And I want to
believe most men know instinctively (for lack of a better word/phrase)
that you (are to) love your woman. You take care of her. You become
her refuge when the going gets tough. Her best friend. Her support
system. Her safety net & armor. You're to give yourself & all you are
to & for her. Your time, money, effort. Your strength of character
(unfortunately, so lacking these days). Your patience. You can't give
up & quit on her. Your commitment. Whatever you don't have that she
needs, you go out to get, because she's your garden. And your job is
to ensure she is radiant & blooming, whatever it costs you - to your
very life. This is a part of my definition of love. It truly (as I see
it, anyway) is an awesome responsibility. And this is why so many men
shy from commitment instinctively. They realize this in their bones,
if you will, and decide that they're incapable of following through.
Even if a man does make a commitment, he's either shut this out of his
mind or is really hoping to be able to follow through. At least it's
what I think.
So I'm hesitant to come out to say I love W. She's built to respond to
sweet words, attention & time - to some degree at least. If I cause
her to turn over her heart (not her blood pump or spirit) to me, then
I must be willing to do whatever it takes to love her. To tell the
truth, I'm incapable of being all that to her. I'm scared shitless of
needing to be all that to her & not measuring up. I want to do right
by this young lady. Maybe this is the real reason I'm yet to get into
a relationship. I've set apparently unrealistic goals for myself, and
am now afraid I'll fail. And something men hate greatly is failing.
It's almost unforgiveable. This is where I stand. What do you think?
Have to go get ready to run around this morning from my PPA to the
LGO's and back if need be. So I need to get to school earlier than
I've been doing. So I'll drop by later.
I'd appreciate someone mailing me price listings of GSM providers'
mobile internet offerings, including bandwidth limits, setup costs &
subscription costs. I might be needing my own internet link & want to
make an informed decision. No attachments please. It's troublesome, I
know, but maybe I'm worth it? Later. I'll just pray about the previous
matter & refuse to be in a hurry. No sense making a wrong decision
because I was hasty. I will hear from God, and I will obey. So I'm
disconnecting myself from the whole sitch. No weighted votes ;)

--
Sent from my mobile device

10-11-09

I remember seeing the moon out as late as 9.00am on Saturday. Odd.
Anyway, today's been a rather unusual day. We didn't get water
yesterday, and that meant we needed to get water this morning.
Considering the earliest we could start looking for water was 7.00am,
there was a good chance of missing my first class today. A, M & I went
out with the kegs, and wanted to go to the local government tap, but
we decided to try GSS first. We found a long queue there. S said he'd
had it with his business venture, and would leave for Gusau this
morning. I was going to show my joy at getting my bed to myself again,
but his phone was moved last night, so it would not have been
appropriate.
A & I got into a discussion about whether telling people to abstain
from sexual intercourse, then saying they should use a condom if they
couldn't wait was promoting immorality or not. He was a nay, I was an
aye. He maintained that most people would rather have sex now than
wait. I said, essentially that most men rise only to the barest
minimum expected of them. If they can get away with something, they
will. But if more is demanded of them, if they are exposed to a higher
level, very few will willingly want to do less. I don't think that
trying to enforce abstinence will work, but that if we're going to
deal major blows on STI infection rates, teen pregnancy, children born
out of wedlock, and everything born out of extramarital sex, we are
going to have to raise our expectations of people somehow, and make
abstinence & faithfulness praiseworthy, 'hip' and 'in'. We did, once.
Before the Hollywood-propounded myths of free love & sex without
commitment were offered to us wholesale, and we ate them hook, line,
sinker, fisherman, rod, boat & lake.
Missed my first class, but maybe I shouldn't have bothered showing up
at all. I was keenly aware of the language barrier today. Though it
was funny when one of the class 4 girls started crying when her
classmate 'married' her off to S.
Walked home with W today. S split up early. Glad she's up & about now.
She's a lovely young lady, imho, but talking with her today, I'm more
certain she isn't my type, and glad I didn't act on impulse when I
returned from home. W, on the other hand, is more my type, but I
absolutely refuse to be pressured into a decision.
Pretty much every male human has a knight in shining armor complex.
Apparently, smart females all over the world have caught on & used (or
at least tried to use) said fact to their advantage. Case in point: a
lady asked one of my roommates to get her a torch because she wanted
to read a novel.
Had a friend come in today, we got talking & I've got more interested
in my own life & finding ways to solve problems for people at a price.
I do have this feeling that it's due to *his* prayers that we had that
conversation. Kinda pisses me off though. One of the class 4 boys was
seated on the same bench with not one, but *two* girls. Right between
both of them. First time since I got to Zm.
Should go to sleep now. Guys in the next room are arguing over the CD
clubs & I've heard my name tossed about. Probably has something to do
with the fact that I was engineered out of the Road Safety club & into
the Infotech club. The RS club C-in-C is threatening that come
Thursday, I'll be joining them. I think I'll just go to sleep. Doesn't
really matter either way. I merely don't want to be another pawn in
the giant mindless machine that is NYSC. I'd like to do something
worthwhile if possible.

--
Sent from my mobile device

08-11-09

I feel depressed. I was faced with something about myself that isn't
good - a major character flaw, and that's knocked the wind out of my
sails. So forgive the melancholy tone of today's post.
Humans are basically need-driven creatures. Some people rise above
this, but the vast majority of people, by & large, fall into this box
for most of their lives. Take me, for instance. I like X, because I
need companionship & a long-term 'someone' of the opposite sex who's
'my very own' (not to mention that she looks great & is smart -
definite major pluses). But X is a smart, classy lady doing great for
herself, so she doesn't really give me the time of day (by the way,
this is a true story. Mine. From the distant past. And stop guessing),
because she doesn't need me. So we have a quandary. I, from
need-propelled wants, want to be in a relationship, but she doesn't
need me. So I need to try to sell myself to her (do I really need to
say that I botched it? I was hardly a blip on her radar: "I came to
tell you I love you, would do anything for you & want to be with you
forever" "that's nice, dear <head pat>. Please shut the door on your
way out" It didn't really happen that way, but the evoked feelings
would probably be much the same). And with that one requirement, as we
say here, she don fall my hand. One of my friends once said it seemed
to him that women liked the idea of me. I'm currently wondering if the
idea of a guy who has so far sucked at selling himself is so amusing
to them. I think it is. As an example, I met a lady during camp, and
we exchanged numbers. Apparently she lost her phone, and since then,
has given a friend her number twice, for me. Both numbers were
unavailable on the networks they would have been on (had they
existed). I don't think it's funny, but apparently someone else is
laughing.
I've finally downed my dinner of fried plantain, spaghetti, fish stew,
egusi soup & fish. No, I'm not living the life. I don't call 4+ hours
cooking & finding a cut you don't remember inflicting on your little
finger 'the life'. You might.
Well, I'm finally sleepy. So maybe when I wake up, I'll feel better. Later

--
Sent from my mobile device

06-11-09

The people here are crazy. Or that's my explanation. On Sunday, saw a
basin full of live scorpions in the market. Why were there live
scorpions in the basin? And why weren't the scorpions tearing each
other apart (after copulation, female praying mantises tear off the
male's head. At least some spiders do something similar, & I'm
inclined to believe scorpions don't love each other more. Well, maybe
they do. Washed down with scorpion body fluids). And a live porcupine,
too.
Camp's been going on, with the attendant annoyances. Someone lifted my
water yesterday. And I'm sharing my bed. It's uncomfortable to say the
least. Was looking for my 'good' phone battery & had to wait till S
got up to find it (don't ask).
A & M seem determined to prove something going on between W & I,
specifically on my side. Personally, I admit I like W. She's
attractive, smart & from all the time I've spent with her, she appears
to be a woman of substance, inside & out. It's just that nothing's
going on, plus I think some lucky dude got his application approved.
So I'm just friends with her, despite what A & M think.
I've no idea how I've so far always managed to end up in the friend
zone. I've this lovely friend I'd had my eye on for a while, and we
got separated before I got the courage to ask her out. Somehow, even
though we met up again, I'm in the Zone. And it really pisses me off.
Been the story of my life. Either I got disinterested, or I really
messed things up.
Today, I want to appreciate my parents for my upbringing. I didn't
always get what I wanted, but I got some of the most important things,
like seeing my dad love my mom, getting disciplined by both my
parents, my schooling, and other things. They may not have been the
best parents in the world, but they did a great job (try raising a
knucklehead type like me & see how you do). You rock, Dad! Love you!
Appreciate your important people while they're around. My mom's passed
on, and while I didn't turn out as well as might be expected, I'm not
that bad.
Excuse the lack of techie posts on this blog. I've not done any techie
stuff in a while. Been watching anime & movies (about a third through
Gurren Lagann - I can see why some friends have been making noise
about it).
Well, this post's about done. God's been good, and that's that. He
ABSOLUTELY rocks!

--
Sent from my mobile device

04-11-09

It's almost 10pm, and I'm sleepy, so I've no idea how this one's gonna go.
I net someone through this blog. That's right. Apparently, Googlebots
(or Yahoobots, if you will) led someone posted here to Zamfara state
to this here blog, and said person found my email (Google!) and
contacted me. We dallied about a bit, and he's now on camp. Seems like
a pretty decent fellow. I've no idea if (or how) we'll stay in touch
after camp.
Ah, camp. The thought brings memories of weeding patches with a hoe,
and aching muscles. And noise. Lots of noise. And lots of people,
prospective corps members and otherwise, some of the former who from
their behaviour should have never entered, let alone left, the four
walls of the institution from which they graduated. I still find it
hard to believe that on Tuesday before 4am, they were queueing in
front of the school used as the temporary camp & its administrative
headquarters. In the blistering cold. That's right folks. Harmattan
has come to Tsafe, and boy, taking showers in the morning before going
to school is not work for a lazy man, as my people would say. Guys in
Party House don't have toilet facilities, so we take showers outside &
'shot-put' (if you're ignorant, may you remain in blissful ignorance).
Hence, for the past few days I've been doing delay tactics when it
comes to showers in the morning. Not that I'm really successful with
them, since I still need to get to my PPA before 8 most days.
Seems like the power company has moved our supply period from about
4pm to about 8pm. The timing is still inconvenient, since while the
camp lasts, NCCF has meetings from 6pm everyday. Still, it's
something, and I'm grateful that we have any at all. The guys living
in the local government housing have none (their transformer has
'blown').
W's around for this camp again (met her during my own camp). Currently
trying to kill my attraction to her (finally got her digits due to a
bunch of things - methinks that's not a very effective way of killing
emotions). Anyway, need to treat some mess ups over XtraCool tonight,
so it's beddie-byes for now. Later

--
Sent from my mobile device

27-10-09

Tomorrow's P's birthday. I've not fully decided what to give her. The
day before my birthday, she invited me to hers to eat whatever I
wanted the next day. Being true to myself, I managed to be occupied
till it was late, then sent a text appreciating the gesture (and her
text - it was the first to come in), and give my apologies for not
taking her up on her invitation. If you have a good idea that will
work for a brother on a budget & with a deadline, please drop me a
line, ok?
Dropped by the General Hospital today to meet some folks & get a test
done (no, I already did one to check if I've a brain in my skull.
There *is* one, and it doesn't rattle around in said skull). There was
this little girl who couldn't have been 2 years old, brought in by her
mother. For some reason, the lab people needed to draw blood, and they
tried time and again to do so and kept coming up with empty syringes.
She kept crying, and her pain touched me. Like all those little things
that remind me I'm human though, I forgot her in the rush to achieve
my own ends.
I've a beautiful friend that is an indigen of Zamfara, and on learning
I was posted here, I sent her a text (thanks MTN, for not delivering
it) joking that I was going to the paradise of beautiful women. During
camp, I wanted to ask her if she hid them all. Now, I'd modify that
question: where're all the grown-up ones? I can't date teenagers or
younger (and why am I in a school - a *primary* school? I keep
thinking, I hope they don't marry off my girls while they're still
kids, that they get a chance to grow up & live life)!
I was caught with my shorts down taking a crap today. Make of it what
you will. It wasn't any of my kids who caught me, though, nor was it a
female.
It's raining and it seems there's a cat drenched. It's mewing outside
while the Nigerian U-17 team plays. I'm not watching. There isn't any
point. When our U-20 team played Tahiti, I sat in the common room
where the match was showing *throughout the match*, then had to ask
someone for the scores after the match. I just don't dig soccer.
My test came up negative for malaria parasites and 'too low' for
typhoid. That's odd because I had been having fevers on and off since
Thursday, and even went to sleep with one on Sunday, yet I'd taken no
medication. God must have smuggled something into my mouth ;). My
dreams of boiled sweet potatoes, fish stew & <efo riro> came to pass
this morning, too :P. Pity I didn't eat it warm.
Well, that's all for now folks. Be good, and don't let the bed bugs bite.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Batch C Passing out

Today's batch C's passing out. While it's long overdue, I feel
envious, because I haven't run my course here. I also feel some
relief, because I'll be rid of some people who have had a tendency to
do or say annoying things. A little green-eyed monster is lurking
somewhere around, because some people I'll miss, including the former
Corper Liaison Officer, and the former General Secretary, an
exceptional young lady who exemplifies what men call 'wife material'.
There are women & there are *women*. She isn't the best looking young
lady around here, but her attitude & personality are top-notch. I need
to work hard on myself so I can take care of someone like her (I'm
definitely going to marry someone like her. Who no like good thing?).
Anyhow, I's all good in the hood. Later

--
Sent from my mobile device

MTN, like what?!?

I started an experiment today. Yesterday I got a call from a fella I
knew back down South. Said dude has since moved out of the country,
and called me about some help he wanted. My Gmail phone client
wouldn't download the attachment he sent, so I installed Nokia PC
Suite & set up my phone as a modem, connected to MTN & fired up Opera
10 with no images.
Before I started, my credit was NGN 1586. The Gmail homepage failed to
load initially, so I turned on Opera Turbo. I logged in to Gmail,
opened the fella's email & tried downloading his attachment (153kB).
The attachment failed to finish downloading initially & Opera
restarted the download. Once it was done, I shut down the connection.
Results: the attachment was corrupt (56kB), download speed was about
2.5kB/s (average) & I had NGN 1302 left.
Conclusion: MTN GPRS sucks majorly for modem usage & is *WAY* too
expensive for the QoS delivered.

--
Sent from my mobile device